Hello Pot, Meet the Kettle

Debbie, Jesse, Marissa, and I arrived in Paris about 3:00 p.m. (they call that 15:00 over here and it makes perfect sense unless you’re not used to it in which case the mental math required to subtract twelve from the number and the loss of the next seventeen seconds wondering if you actually did it correctly just aine worth it). Once out of the train we set off to see the sights, and in Paris that doesn’t take very long. From just about anywhere you can see the Eiffel Tower looming magically over the city as it has since 1889, after five years of planning and two to build it in time for the World’s Fair. It stands 984 feet tall but can expand to a height of 990’ depending on the temperature!

La Tour Eiffel, c'est magnifique

The French have several well-earned reputations. Masters of the culinary arts, connoisseurs of wine, adroit in the science of love—they are also known as, shall we say, arrogant. Now it’s true that Americans have a patent on Western Hemisphere arrogance, so we can easily call a spade a spade. (I can hear Nicolas at this very moment: zis spade ease a spade, I cunnot tell what is meant by zis iddy-omm!) In other words, we know one when we see one—they’re as arrogant as we are. Need an example?

View of the Champs-Elysees

OK, we’re walking in the general direction of the Champs-Elysees—do you know this street? Most people do. What most people might not know however is the correct French pronunciation (Shomps-a-leez-aye). So, when a tourist with what sounded very much like an American accent asked a stranger passing by, “Excuse me, can you tell me where is the Champs (like the team that wins the World Series) A-leez?” the obviously French woman stared in disbelief.

She didn’t say it but then again she didn’t have to: Champs-Elysees! Champs-Elysees! It is zee most important boulevard in zee world! Zis is how you say zis? Champs A-leez! Sacre Blu! You are arsehole!

Walking on the Champs A-leez

Instead what she said—check that—what she did was shake her head and pretend she didn’t know the answer. Yeah, right. You don’t know where zee most important boulevard in zee world is—ok.

Before I could satisfy my relentless need to inject myself into other people’s business, the accidental tourist turned and walked in the opposite direction. (I do hope someone helped her find her Champs Aleez.)