Coda

After six months, 173 days, 4152 hours, 249,120 minutes, 14, 947, 200 seconds; more than a dozen cities, countless train, tram, bus, bike and elevator rides; absolutely too many dirty dishes, laundry loads and dryers that don’t do what the name implies, Waking Up In Holland caught up with the author…

Waking Up in Holland: So.

Me: So.

WuiH: All done huh?

Me: Almost, well, not really.

WuiH: Oh?

Me: This is the assignment that won’t end.

WuiH: Won’t end? I thought it ended June 21^st. No?

Me: Well, the teaching part ended June 21^st, but I still have more to do.

WuiH: Like?

Me: Like… I still have to file Dutch taxes for 2012.

WuiH: Holy cow! How do you do that?

Me: Through an accountant, which means I have to leave my bank account open.

WuiH: So, other than that, all done?

Me: Almost, well, not really.

WuiH: Oh brother, back to the taxes?

Me: No, shipping.

WuiH: Oh right.

        Me: I already sent two huge boxes home. Bit of a nightmare, that. They were held up in customs for a week.

WuiH: Ooooh? Heard the sirens singing; did ya?

Me: Stop.

WuiH: You’re the one who brought it up.

Me: It’s not like that. The paperwork was messed up.

WuiH: Messed up? What’s that mean?

        Me: It means…you would think the currier would know if the paperwork was insufficient before he accepted the packages.

WuiH: You’d think.

Me: Well, we would, but apparently they don’t.

WuiH: Get it straightened out or will you get our own cell in a Dutch prison?

Me: I said, “Stop.”

WuiH: Sorry, too easy.

Me: That aine funny. I know funny and that aine funny.

WuiH: Let’s talk about your time in Holland; can we?

Me: Sure.

WuiH: What have you done the most?

Me: The most? Let’s see…the dishes.

WuiH: Very funny.

Me: Funny, but not fun. Housework, laundry, ironing…the absolute worst.

WuiH: (Laughing) You don’t sound like a Merry Maid to me.

Me: Let’s just say I have a new appreciation for…um…doing the laundry.

WuiH: I see how this is going. Can I ask you about the blog?

Me: Sure.

            WuiH: You called the blog “Waking up in Holland.” Is your newfound appreciation for housework, laundry and ironing whatever, an example of “waking up”?

Me: Yeah, it is.

WuiH: Do you have other examples?

Me: I’m sure I do, let me think.

WuiH: That could take a while.

Me: Excuse me?

WuiH: Nothing, go on.

Me: Rembrandt and Swiss cheese.

WuiH: Told ya.

        Me: Let me finish… Did you know there’s no such thing as Swiss cheese? There’s cheese from Switzerland but there’s no such thing as Swiss cheese.

WuiH: How long did it take you to figure that one out?

       Me: Um…the first time I asked for it. The cheese ladies probably laughed like hell after I left.

            WuiH: So, you lived in Europe for six months and your big awareness is that Americans have made up a generic name for Emmenthaler cheese?

Me: Well, when you put it that way…

WuiH: Oh brother. You mentioned Rembrandt?

Me: Can’t get enough. How did I not know?

WuiH: Want to talk about that?

Me: Have you even looked at my blog?

WuiH: I can see you’re getting worked up. Not my fault you’re from Essex.

Me: What’s that mean?

WuiH: Can we go on?

Me: Sure.

WuiH: What’s the plan now?

Me: What plan?

WuiH: What now? What’s next for you?

Me: Let’s see. I don’t have a plan, but I can tell you this much, whatever it is; it’ll be with Gwaz.

WuiH: That’s sweet. Is your skirt too tight?

Me: Beg your pardon?

WuiH: Sorry. Can you explain?

Me: At this point I don’t want anything if I can only have it without Gwaz.

WuiH: Awwwl...that's lovely. Getting' weepy; are you?

Me: You're startin' to irritate me.

WuiH: What doesn't?

Me: Good point.

WuiH: What about teaching?

Me: What about it?

WuiH: What did the ISA administrators say?

Me: I don’t know.

WuiH: What do you mean you don’t know? Did they say anything?

Me: No.

WuiH: No?

Me: No.

WuiH: Damn.

Me: That’s what I thought.

WuiH: Didn’t they watch you teach?

Me: The head came in for twenty minutes the first week I was there.

WuiH: Twenty minutes? That’s it?

Me: That’s it.

WuiH: Head? I can think of several uses for the word ‘head’ but not as the principal of a school.

Me: No comment.

WuiH: Isn’t head when…

Me: Let it go.

WuiH: Yeah, probably best. But did you learn anything? I mean, about you?

Me: Let’s see… um…I don’t pretend to know me.

WuiH: I’ll say.

Me: What’s that?

WuiH: Nothing. Go on.

Me: Doing the same work I first did 36 years ago has been…um…it’s been in a strange way a privilege. I mean, how many of us get to go home? I mean really go home? How many people get what I was given?

WuiH: How many want it?

Me: Yeah, that too; but for me the path from where I started isn’t exactly what I would have predicted back in the day.

WuiH: Why is that?

Me: It’s just the way things worked out. One thing leads to another. One thing led to another.

WuiH: …and it led to this; right?

Me: Right. See…you get me!

WuiH: Uhhh…not really, But can I ask you this? Do you have any regrets?

Me: You mean like pot and red light?

WuiH: Are you saying you regret doing those things or you regret not doing them?

Me: Hello! My wife will read this.

WuiH: She’s probably the only one…

Me: What’s that?

WuiH: Nothing. I was asking about regrets.

Me: I lost my hat.

WuiH: Lost your hat? What, like in the casino?

Me: What? No. I believe that expression is “lost my shirt.”

WuiH: Oh, yeah. So you lost your hat?

Me: Yeah, darn it.

WuiH: You lost your Canadian Nerd Hat? How in the…

Me: No, no. I lost my Eddie Bauer toboggan.

WuiH: How’d that happen?

Me: If I knew that, I wouldn’ta lost it; now would I?

WuiH: OK OK man…touchy.

Me: I liked my hat.

WuiH: Clearly. Jeese. Can we go back to the one thing leads to another thing?

Me: Sure.

WuiH: What’s up with that?

Me: I choose to see it that way.

WuiH: What way?

Me: …as one thing leads to another.

WuiH: Oh OK, go on.

Me: I was destined to be here. I was meant to be here. I was supposed to intervene in the lives of these children—and they in mine. This is the start of their lives…

WuiH: …and the end of yours?

Me: Right. Wait, what? Do you know something?

WuiH: Just kidding; relax.

Me: That aine funny. I'm tellin' you some things just aine funny.

WuiH: Sorry. What were you saying?

Me: Are you even listening?

WuiH: What’s that? OK just kidding…I’m listening. Go on.

Me: I look at it this way: their lives are added to mine; and my life was added to theirs. Know what I mean?

WuiH: Does anyone? OMG. How does anyone stand you?

Me: Yeah, not sure really. Hey! Wait one darn minute…people like me.

WuiH: I know, I know…young, thin, and handsome; right?

Me: Exactly. Don’t forget…winning personality.

WuiH: How could we?

Me: Beg pardon.

WuiH: Nothing. Before we go, is there anything else?

Me: Actually there is.

WuiH: Why does that not surprise me?

Me: Can I finish?

WuiH: By all means...

Me: Hey Cindy and Ronan, I love you both for taking care of me; and say goodbye to my girlfriend for me.

WuiH: That was nice.

Me: Don't start.

WuiH: Girlfriend? You? Oh ...nevermind, you meant the dog; yeah that was funny; please go on.

Me: To my other "girlfriends"...I will never forget your kindness. As I was swimming like crazy just so I didn't drown, you were all there with the life-jackets. I will never forget you.

WuiH: Until next time?

Me: Until next time.

Helena, Lisa, JT, Heidi, Lisa